Reason to Trust #7 [Bek]

Bek WindsorAge: 30 // Favourite Food: I love food in general but meat, the delicious red, thick and oh so juicy kind, would be up the very top. // Dream Job: I’m living it – serving God fulltime overseas. // Current Season: Disgustingly happily married young momma serving God overseas raising a spunky 22 month old with baby number two due in less than a month. // Met Jesus: Christmas Eve on my parent’s bed when I was four (decided what I wanted to do with my life at three though – go figure) // Favourite Verse: Colossians 1:17 – “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”// Instagram: @bekwindsor

I made a decision to give Jesus, the All in All, my life when I was four and I was taught early on all about trust and the importance of trusting in a trustworthy God. When I was young that was super easy. I just don’t know what happened along the way as I ‘grew up’ though. Maybe it’s because of my natural bent for control, independence and general self-reliance (to name a few choice traits that are a work in progress) that haven’t helped me on this journey for complete trust in my Heavenly Father.

God however doesn’t discount us because of our failings and frailties, thank heaven, and He has kept giving me opportunities to place my trust in Him unequivocally. And to resist the urge of ‘helping Him’ along the way.

One of these many opportunities has been learning to trust in Him as the ultimate Provider. I felt a call to serve God overseas when I was a little girl and finally my dream came true when I was 23 and I moved to Vietnam. When I left Australia headed for my new life in Vietnam, I thought the only way I was ever leaving (other than trips to visit family and supporters) was in a pine box.

But God threw me a curve ball, at least in my mind it was because I had a plan and I thought God was behind it and ‘on board’ (ahhhh yes, so arrogant and self-assured). He sent a wonderful guy my way visiting Vietnam on a short term missions trip who was a pastor serving in his local church in a completely different state than I had grown up in. After getting to know each other for a little over a year, it was pretty clear to both of us that this was a God ordained relationship and He had put us together for a reason.

Ahhhh – it sounds so lovely and simple. It got a bit sticky when it came to the practical little details like hmmm… we were living in separate countries – hardly the most ideal start for an upcoming marriage one would observe. It became clear that if we wanted to go to the next level, one of us was going to have to move. At the time I was finishing up my then apprenticeship in missions and if I wanted to continue pursuing this dream, I would need to undertake some Bible College studies and get my credentials etc. So logically, it made sense that I be the one to move. That and the fact God was all over it making sure everything fell into place ready for my arrival.

It sounded simple enough and like a well-laid plan. Yeah no. From the moment I made the decision to move back to Australia, it felt like my world was collapsing around me and I have never felt more lonely or sad in my life.

When I moved, it felt like I was dying to a life-long dream and was being banished to some type of desert or wasteland. It was in this wasteland or desert place, that I was stretched and challenged more than I ever thought possible and I learnt all over again, like a young child, to put my unwavering trust in the One who called me back to Australia and to just learn all that He wanted to teach me in that season.

It’s like He knew me. Imagine that. He knew my tendency towards self-reliance and my love of ‘plans’ and just knew that I was getting too comfortable. He knew I needed to be stretched and have my life shaken up a little bit, or a lot it felt at the time, to teach me to rely on Him and have that infant-like dependence on Him in my most vulnerable moments.

That special season lasted over two years. When I was just about to hit breaking point, God suddenly (He is the God of the ‘suddenly’ isn’t He) resurrected my dream of serving Him overseas fulltime with my husband and within a matter of months, we were moving to Vietnam together. But that’s a whole other story. 

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