Age: 31 // Favourite Food: Just food… But a good steak will make me smile! // Dream Job: I’m sure I’ll have a super cool job one day, but I feel like I’m living the dream right now! // Current Season: Mum to two busy boys. // Met Jesus: When I was 18 in my first year at University. // Favourite Verse: Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I am a perfectionist and a bit of a control freak. I love knowing what’s coming up so I can respond appropriately, manage my emotions, and set out a plan. I have two beautiful little boys who quite like being spontaneous and doing ‘crazy’ (normal) things. This quest for perfection is now impossible. I’ve adapted. ..eherm… I’m adapting.
I am married to a lovely, generous, kind man who is an incredible father and husband. He is fit, chilled out and leads a healthy life. Two years ago at 35 weeks pregnant with our second son I was woken at 4am (rude) by my husband complaining of indigestion. I pointed him in the direction of my trusty indigestion pills (thanks pregnancy). We both quickly realised it wasn’t indigestion and I turned the light on. My husband was grey, cold, sweating, complaining of chest pain and a tingling left arm. When my normally laid back husband asked me to call an ambulance I knew it was serious.
In hospital, initial tests were inconclusive and he was admitted to the chest pain unit. I went home to rest and put some things together for his hospital stay. I lay down for 5 minutes feeling a bit numb, a few minutes later I received a text from my husband with the words “they reckon I’ve had a heart attack”. I felt like a heavy blanket had been thrown over me and was suffocating me. I screamed, cried, yelled, I curled into a ball confused, angry and scared. With literally nowhere else to turn I reached for my bible.
God, I don’t understand, I’m terrified and I’m angry that this had happened. I don’t know what to do. Help me. I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay. I felt very clearly to open my bible to Proverbs 3.
1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your HEART,
2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.
3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your HEART.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your HEART and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
25 Have no fear of sudden disaster
or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,
26 for the Lord will be at your side
and will keep your foot from being snared.
It’s a well known Proverb, but in that moment the Bible came alive.
God was with me and knew my situation. He encouraged me with the knowledge that my husband was going to be okay, to trust in Him and not to be fearful.
This personal moment with God pulled me through the darkest time in my life, my marriage and ironically my relationship with God.
Comprehensive testing showed my husband was in perfect working order and there was no obvious reason this happened. He is on medication for the rest of his life to minimise his risk and as a family we have adopted a healthier lifestyle.
Like any traumatic life event things still pop up from time to time. My fear of losing my husband at any moment is still at times very real, even though I know the risk of him having another heart attack is now lower than an average person. But we talk, we pray, I remember God meeting me in that moment and we find plenty of things to laugh about.
Our family have to trust God everyday that no matter what comes our way, we’ll be okay. I trust God because I chose everyday to believe he has a GOOD plan for my life and knows me intimately. It’s a wonderful, freeing way to live.
Five weeks after this ‘event’ we were able to celebrate the arrival of our second son. A beautiful gift after a difficult time. We felt shaken into reality, to appreciate every moment, keep things simple and above all else to focus on the most important things in life.