Age: 21 // Favourite Food: My dad’s lasagne (Oops, mum made sure I told you it’s actually her recipe) // Dream Job: Writing kid’s books or flying planes or being a professional seafood eater, I’m making that a thing. // Current Season: a ‘poor’ uni student, studying Speech Pathology, working casually to fund her next holiday. The best season so far! // Met Jesus: Grade 1 I think it was, I am pretty sure I could even dig out the certificate I received from my Christian school. // Favourite Verse: Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” // Instagram: @katielouf
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6.
Can I be honest with you?
Trusting in God can be terribly hard. It feels a million times harder when you try and trust in God when He doesn’t appear to be answering your prayer.
My prayer was a simple prayer; I’ve prayed it for as long as I can remember. It goes just like this, “ Jesus, please heal my mum.”
I’ve had a beautiful life, been in relationship with a loving God, and surrounded by an incredible family and wonderful friends. But in June, 2012, I realised that my life was characterised by fear, and a lot of it.
Let’s just say that June was my twelfth favourite month that year.
My beautiful mum suffers from depression, an awful disease that she has battled with since before my siblings and I were born.
I don’t want to go any further without saying how incredibly strong my mum is. To simply see the way she lives her life is in itself the perfect reason to trust God. (I secretly think Deuteronomy 31:6 was actually written about her).
In June 2012 however, I was home alone. Both my siblings had moved away, my dad was overseas for work and my beautiful mum was in hospital going through another ‘bad patch’ of depression. In the midst of the busiest time of university that semester, I was hit with fear, a fear I had been living out of for many years.
Fear for my mum and fear for myself. I felt the responsibility of carrying her burden for her. I felt useless that I couldn’t make her better, or take away her pain. I was terrified – depression had come through her family – and I had no doubt I was going to get it too. Above all, I was frustrated. I feel incredibly selfish for saying this, but I was frustrated that even though I was the child in the situation, I had to carry the all-too-big burden of my parent.
I felt frustrated that God would allow my family to go through this and allow my mum to feel that pain. She didn’t deserve it.
There comes a point where no matter how hard you try to carry or fix things yourself, it simply does not work. I was clearly at this point. I needed to put my trust in God.
God hasn’t called us to live in a place of fear. He wants to pull us out of it. He wants us to call upon him. I am not saying in that moment I immediately put my trust in God. I wish I had, because man, oh man, that would’ve been a lot easier. But I made a start. I began with recognizing that I needed to start trusting in God, which slowly lead to trusting in God.
Today, I CHOOSE to put my trust in God. It is a choice. It’s a choice that we need to constantly make for ourselves.
My mum still suffers from depression. I wish I had a cure for it, an answer for why people get sick. But I really don’t know. She doesn’t know either. But she chooses to trust in God too.
What I do know is that when I chose to put my trust in God, something in me shifted. My physical situation may not have changed, but I felt changed.
Before I used to live in a place of fear, my future was determined by life’s very unpredictable circumstances, as I now choose to humble myself before God and relinquish all control to him, I can rebuke fear and live out of his joy and peace regardless of the situation I may face.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” // Rom 15:13
Trusting in God may not result in the change you want to see, or the prayer you want answered.
With trust comes overwhelming love.
With trust comes the deepest peace.
With trust comes the hope of a joy-filled and certain future.