Reason to Trust #10 [Kate]

Kate FraserAge: 21 // Favourite Food: My dad’s lasagne (Oops, mum made sure I told you it’s actually her recipe) // Dream Job: Writing kid’s books or flying planes or being a professional seafood eater, I’m making that a thing. // Current Season: a ‘poor’ uni student, studying Speech Pathology, working casually to fund her next holiday. The best season so far! // Met Jesus: Grade 1 I think it was, I am pretty sure I could even dig out the certificate I received from my Christian school. // Favourite Verse: Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” // Instagram: @katielouf

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6.

Can I be honest with you?

Trusting in God can be terribly hard. It feels a million times harder when you try and trust in God when He doesn’t appear to be answering your prayer.

My prayer was a simple prayer; I’ve prayed it for as long as I can remember. It goes just like this, “ Jesus, please heal my mum.”

I’ve had a beautiful life, been in relationship with a loving God, and surrounded by an incredible family and wonderful friends. But in June, 2012, I realised that my life was characterised by fear, and a lot of it.

Let’s just say that June was my twelfth favourite month that year.

My beautiful mum suffers from depression, an awful disease that she has battled with since before my siblings and I were born.

I don’t want to go any further without saying how incredibly strong my mum is. To simply see the way she lives her life is in itself the perfect reason to trust God. (I secretly think Deuteronomy 31:6 was actually written about her).

In June 2012 however, I was home alone. Both my siblings had moved away, my dad was overseas for work and my beautiful mum was in hospital going through another ‘bad patch’ of depression. In the midst of the busiest time of university that semester, I was hit with fear, a fear I had been living out of for many years.

Fear for my mum and fear for myself. I felt the responsibility of carrying her burden for her. I felt useless that I couldn’t make her better, or take away her pain. I was terrified – depression had come through her family – and I had no doubt I was going to get it too. Above all, I was frustrated. I feel incredibly selfish for saying this, but I was frustrated that even though I was the child in the situation, I had to carry the all-too-big burden of my parent.

I felt frustrated that God would allow my family to go through this and allow my mum to feel that pain. She didn’t deserve it.

There comes a point where no matter how hard you try to carry or fix things yourself, it simply does not work. I was clearly at this point. I needed to put my trust in God.

God hasn’t called us to live in a place of fear. He wants to pull us out of it. He wants us to call upon him. I am not saying in that moment I immediately put my trust in God. I wish I had, because man, oh man, that would’ve been a lot easier. But I made a start. I began with recognizing that I needed to start trusting in God, which slowly lead to trusting in God.

Today, I CHOOSE to put my trust in God. It is a choice. It’s a choice that we need to constantly make for ourselves.

My mum still suffers from depression. I wish I had a cure for it, an answer for why people get sick. But I really don’t know. She doesn’t know either. But she chooses to trust in God too.

What I do know is that when I chose to put my trust in God, something in me shifted. My physical situation may not have changed, but I felt changed.

Before I used to live in a place of fear, my future was determined by life’s very unpredictable circumstances, as I now choose to humble myself before God and relinquish all control to him, I can rebuke fear and live out of his joy and peace regardless of the situation I may face.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” // Rom 15:13

Trusting in God may not result in the change you want to see, or the prayer you want answered.

With trust comes overwhelming love.

With trust comes the deepest peace.

With trust comes the hope of a joy-filled and certain future. 

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13 thoughts on “Reason to Trust #10 [Kate]

  1. Michelle Cullen says:

    Thank you Kate for being so inspiring and honest… This has been such an encouragement – thank you.

  2. Maddie Greening says:

    Thanks Kate, you shared so beautifully and honestly about your experience with what youve lived with your Mum and depression a cruel illness. l first met your mum years ago at Janes ladies group and she was a real blessing in my life. l to had struggled with major depression and had finally met someone that l could talk with and not feel judged. Your mum is such a sweetheart and a brave woman! Sounds like you are as well beautiful Kate! Fear is something that is so awful but feels so real especially when your Mum is not well. l went through this when my Mum had a break down and was suicidal after my dad had had a major heart-attack when l was 11 and left me feeling so fearful. l remember reading Psalm 91 over and over again and trying not to be so scared. l caught up with your mum a few weeks ago at a Body Shop Party that l had. lt was so lovely to spend time with her. She has such a bubbly, warm personality although she has suffered a lot with depression. She holds her head high a quality that is greatly to be admired. Kate l wish you all the best in your uni studies and admire that you spoke out about your mum and your struggles with fear. More people need to speak honestly as so many people go through this illness and struggle with fear. lam sure that my children have been affected from the times that l have suffered major depression and been fearful but l also realise that theyre the reason why lam here as well!

    • Kate says:

      Maddy,

      Thank you so much. I really owe so much to Mum because as you say, she lives so joyfully and holds her head high regardless!

      I completely agree that so many people must also battle with fear, so I truly prayed this would provide some kind of encouragement to them.

      Thanks again,

      Hope you and the kids are well, Kate xx

  3. Anne Marie Donatiu says:

    Thank you Kate for sharing so beautifully what I couldn’t put in words for myself. I am in a season of major change in my life, your words & insight have become another vital piece of the jigsaw of healing and restoring my life.
    Thank you for your honesty.

  4. Abbey says:

    Kate you once again inspire me. You’re such a strong woman of God, these words show the amazing relationship you share with your lovinf Mum. Your honesty is refreshing! You’re truly beautiful!

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  6. Shirley Gibney says:

    What an inspiring piece Kate. Your Mum has always been an encouragement to me and I love her. I have been impressed by your faith and you are a beautiful young lady in every way. God bless all your family.

  7. Jacqui Brodin says:

    wow Kate. This is just beautiful. I, too, had an incredible mother who suffered from depression. Unfortunately, she lost her battle and chose a different path. My choice to put my faith in God comes from knowing that I don’t want to let the same fear overcome me so I can save my child from the pain I endured when I lost her. Cherish every moment you have with your mothers because you really do not know how quick it can change. God bless you.

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